I feel like I've become my own worst enemy, my own harshest critic. I have to repeatedly remind myself that I have achieved great things in the past. I say this not in arrogance but with utmost humility. As in writing this I have nothing but hesitation in my fingers, their fearful nature almost stopping me in my recognition of my own greatness. Why am I doing this? Because I constantly feel that I am not good enough. I feel that I have made no significant contribution. No significant advancement to my skills nor to my employability if that is even a word. I feel that every major accomplishment that I've achieved so far has been due to the influence of my father, a figure who I deeply respect and admire but under whose shadow I constantly feel burdened by. Like the moon, I am not my own person, I am merely a reflection of the greatness of this man. I do not like to admit it, because it makes me forget all of the accomplishments that I was able to achieve of my own accord. And it makes me doubt the skills that I do have right now.
What troubles me now is that I know I have my skills, my potentials, yet lately it's been so hard to find opportunities for me to exercise them freely, to let others know that yes I can do this and I can do that. What I am devoid of right now is opportunity. And the courage to pursue opportunities when they do come. Please God, give me a chance to show others what I can do. Not just for my own sake but also for the sake of being able to fulfil my task in this world. For the thing that I fear for the most is still the thought of having lived in vain, of having lived a life that was worthless and unremarkable.
