My Plan

“Betapa banyak nikmat yang aku lupakan dan aku anggap wajar dan biasa. Seakan-akan aku berhak mendapat nikmat itu tanpa usaha. Karena itu betapa sesatnya aku kalau sampai bermalas-malasan.” 
― Ahmad Fuadi

In the past three months, I've had the privilege of going to 3 different countries. Each experience reinvigorating my love for travelling. Each experience feeling more and more like a dream that even I hadn't been able to compose in my wildest imaginations. Each experience a lesson as to how much there still is for me to learn from other people around the world. Each experience a reminder of just how lucky I am to be so blessed, and how great of a debt I have to make sure that those blessings aren't just experienced in vain.

At times, those experiences were tinged with dashes of fear and apprehension, pretty understandable considering the latest one involved my first 30 hour flight all the way across the world by myself. But in each of my journeys across the boundaries of my beloved Indonesia, I discovered more about my capabilities and about my religion than what I probably would've acquired had I stayed here. In Singapore, I saw how Muslims can live and thrive in a Muslim minority country, without fear or strange looks from the overall population, instead with the tolerance and understanding for Muslim values the likes of which I haven't seen in any other Muslim minority country. In Japan, I met a girl two years my senior, whose life was saved by her discovery of Islam, and who even though she still continues to experience challenges unlike anything I've ever had to endure even while living in Muslim minority countries (among them being the fact that her commitment to become Muslim and wear a veil is still frowned upon by her family and her fellow Japanese citizens who don't consider her to even be Japanese anymore, the difficulty she has in going to a mosque daily since the closest one is in a different town from her campus, the commitment she has in eating only seafood for fear of eating meat products that aren't halal, and the fact that at times she's had to perform sholat in the middle of the street just for lack of finding any other place to pray), her belief in Islam and Allah is still stronger than most Muslims I've ever met here in Indonesia; parting with her was like parting from a real sister, I don't think I've met or ever will meet anyone as amazing as she is. And in Venezuela, I realized just how weak the foundations of my own belief were when I was asked questions regarding why I did the things that Islam instructed me to do (Why did I wear a veil? Why can't I eat pork?). My lack of answers to these outbursts of Venezuelan curiosity were a slap in my face, reminding me just how much I still have to learn about my own religion, before being able to teach others about it as well.

This is why I've always loved this life on the road. While some people would rather be safely settled in one place for the rest of their lives, get married and raise their children in the places where they themselves were raised up, I would rather live my life and have my children experience theirs in a never ending adventure where the journey becomes our destination. I know it's pretty utopic, and the chances of me being able to give them that life, as my father gave to me and my sisters isn't something that can be as easily repeated as I hope for. But, there's always that hope. I want my children to know just how similar yet different people can be several thousand miles away from where they live. I want them to learn second, third, or even fourth languages, so that they may understand the books that give a more intimate look inside cultures different from theirs. I want them to understand that their religion, Islam, is meant to be a world religion and even though it still might be a long way from becoming so again, it is part of their duty to make it happen.

I've made friends with Christians, Hindus, Buddhists, heck when I was in New York most of my friends and next-door neighbors were Jews; it was only when I returned to Indonesia that I learned how 'evil' they were 'supposed' to be. I'm not saying I'm a pluralist, but what I do know is that I am a pacifist. Peace is easier to maintain, economically speaking that is, than conflict, so why make yourself at a loss? Didn't the Prophet (PBUH) live in tolerance with Christians and Jews when the Muslims ruled in Arabia?

I've just realized how close I'm coming to that fork in my journey. That vital impasse whereby I will have to choose once and for all where I'm going to take myself, and what I'm going to devote my life to. My religion and my duty to spread it and make it known of course is something that I'll never ever forget insyaAllah for as long as I still have the strength to tread the path I choose. But as for the other thing, which is my career choice, or even my choice to have a career, is something I still haven't figured out yet. What I am certain about though, is that I still want to continue my studies. My father's BBM a couple of days ago was really quite tempting: he told me that there was a scholarship offer for undergrads with a GPA above 3.5 to immediately be accepted at a masters degree at S2 HI UNPAD during their seventh semester. If all went well, then I'd have my undergraduate degree and then my masters in just one year after that. Tempting I know, especially with the fact that my GPA (for now at least) still suffices for that scholarship. But, what I really want is to take up an old dream of mine: study abroad on a scholarship or at least with my own money. The scarcity of scholarships to study abroad for undergraduates was one of the main reasons why I eventually resigned my self to accept my study opportunity at UNPAD. But masters scholarships are far more plenty and I am determined to snatch one for myself. ANU or UBC's social sciences program are still top on my list, and the IMLI in Malta is definitely something that I will try, for the sake of Indonesia's international maritime law which is in sore need of experts. If those don't work out then I guess I'll try for a masters in journalistic studies and try treading that path towards becoming a journalist.

I still want my travels to continue, at least until I get my masters degree. I still want to learn so much more about this world that Allah has created with meticulous care. About the people that are so different yet similar to me at the same time. About how I can become a force in either reconciling those differences or help care for the wellbeing of this world and its inhabitants. I don't want to live a normal life. I don't want to get married right after I graduate, have kids and stay stuck inside a house for years and years on end; even though I know this is a noble job as well. If I have to be a wife, at least I want to become like my mother, one that still has the opportunity to show her children just how vast this world is, how diverse its peoples are, how they can find a friend in those different from them, and how they can become Islamic agents of change on an international scale. I am an international relations student, and I hope to make my mark on international history, so that when I return back to my Creator, I can give proof that all of the blessed opportunities and skills bestowed upon me were not wasted or used in vain.