back to scrappy little paragraphs again..

I'm really bad at cheering people up. Perhaps that's why I try so hard to never make people sad in the first place. I'd rather be the one to give up in an argument than carrying on and making the other person feel bad about themselves (this is probably why I always lose in debate competitions too). You don't know how much I envy those people that can go up to someone that's feeling really down, talk a little bit to them, and make them smile an instant later. I've never been able to do that. Pathetic isn't it? But that's me. I'm pretty sure it's probably because I'm not usually a very sociable person most of the time. I can't empathize with others. I become baffled at the simplest of their problems. Heck, I'd rather work than be asked to cheer up someone that's feeling sad. Not because I don't want to, but because I don't feel I'd be able to make that person happy again even if I tried. And I hate seeing people sad.

--O--

I'm not a good writer, really. My writing style is oftentimes far too formal and boring and sometimes my ideas aren't so original either. But I've accepted this as a part of me. I like writing. I like the fact that I can express those ideas that I oftentimes don't have the courage to express verbally to others. And I like the fact that I can go on at my own pace. I'm a slow thinker (emphasis: really, really, slow thinker) and I'm a die-hard perfectionist when it comes to everything that I'm working on. So I hate it when I have to present my ideas right at that moment without having time to revise and make them perfect first.

--O--

I've done things in my past that I've really, really regretted doing. I wish I could erase all of my memories of those days when I was beyond terrible, because they've often come back to haunt me when I least want them to. But now, here I am. Still imperfect, of course, but much, much better than what I was before. I don't even know how to begin to thank God for the second chance He's given me, but I've decided to try to show my gratitude by making the most out of the future He's so graciously given back to me, which is why I try my hardest to be of service to everyone around me. But I've also forced myself to remember that I'm a good person too. I'm not trying to compliment my own kindness, I just want to make sure that I don't forget that I've been given a second chance at being a good person, so if I keep on thinking that the person I am now is still the same as the pathetic wretch that I was before, then how am I being grateful?

--O--

So, the moral of the story is: Be happy. We've all done things in the past that we wish we hadn't done, but we also have the chance to do great things in the future that we didn't know we were capable of doing. So embrace that chance, and never think yourselves as unworthy for anything. As Coelho once quoted, "We don't drown by falling into a river, but by staying submerged in it."