Confessions of a Confused College-student-wannabe

 My uncle: jadi janti kuliahnya mau ngambil bidang apa nih?
Me: um, masih bingung sih om, hehe, but i wanna do something to serve my country
My uncle: don't forget to serve yourself first ;)
Me: oh, iya sih, that too, hehe *starting to rethink my college plans again-.-

This dialogue took place about a couple of weeks ago (within a most relaxed atmosphere on the patio of some obscenely rich relative of mine), but the conflict portrayed within it has been tearing at me from within for months now.. Critical decision making situations like this have always left me like a fish out of water - confused and dry of good wisdom. This time it's a little bit better, cause I know what I want to do, I just don't know if life will allow me to do so..

I'm not in much of a writing mood today, and I've already indulged in this subject in countless little notes and abandoned paragraphs scattered within my laptop and the notes folder in my cellphone which I don't have much interest in publishing since they'd just be maddeningly complicated to fully explain. So, I think I'll just end this random little rant with an aptly fitting quote I just found from one of my favorite authors, which beautifully portrays the exact dilemma I'm facing at the moment:

“In his or her life, each person can take one of two attitudes: to build or to plant.  Builders may take years over their tasks, but one day they will finish what they are doing.  Then they will stop, hemmed in by their own walls.  Life becomes meaningless once the building is finished.  Those who plant suffer the storms and the seasons and rarely rest.  Unlike a building, a garden never stops growing.  And by its constant demands on the gardener’s attention, it makes the gardener’s life a great adventure.” - Coelho

Quite literally, I want to plant :)