Found this gem on one of HONY's photo comments

Life, summarized in one concisely powerful paragraph:

"I've learned that no matter what happens, or how bad it seems today, life does go on, and it will be better tomorrow. I've learned that you can tell a lot about a person by the way he/she handles these three things: a rainy day, lost luggage, and tangled Christmas tree lights. I've learned that regardless of your relationship with your parents, you'll miss them when they're gone from your life. I've learned that making a "living" is not the same thing as making a "life." I've learned that life sometimes gives you a second chance. I've learned that you shouldn't go through life with a catcher's mitt on both hands; you need to be able to throw something back. I've learned that whenever I decide something with an open heart, I usually make the right decision. I've learned that even when I have pains, I don't have to be one. I've learned that every day you should reach out and touch someone. People love a warm hug, or just a friendly pat on the back. I've learned that I still have a lot to learn. I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel."

- Maya Angelou

This whole week has been filled with a lot of 'I wish's.
I wish we didn't have to end this way.
I wish you would still want to fight for us.
I wish you hadn't made all those promises to me.
I wish we had never met.

I still feel myself as being quite fragile after all this. I've been trying, very very hard to put this all past me. But, this is honestly a first for me, so I guess it'll take a bit longer to get used to. But no matter how much my mind wraps itself around thoughts of you and us and how we could've been, my heart in all its calmness thankfully keeps reassuring me that I'm doing the right thing. It wouldn't be called a challenge if it wasn't physically and emotionally draining like this. So, I know that this sacrifice is something that I need to go through.

Ya Rabb, I surrender my heart to you. I pray for You to never let me waste a single moment of my time with negative thoughts. I pray for You to give me the strength to focus on the great things You have sent me to do. And I pray for You to never let me stray from Your path. For there truly is nothing I fear more than that..

Wise Words From an Old Friend :)

Moving On

You see, moving on is not about forgetting what's keeping you. It's to get rid of ill feelings that attached to it. So if you had a boyfriend and want to move on, you don't forget about him. You lose feelings you associate with him--feelings thatshouldn't be there anymore. If you had a bad grade and you want to move on, you don't burn them down. You get rid of the grief and sadness and do better next time. If you were left behind and you want to move on, you don't erase traces of them.

I do too.

I am not forgetting, okay? I won't.

Moving on is not about not keeping pictures anymore, nor not telling stories about stuffs you want to move on from. It's not about pretending that nothing has changed either because things changed and it will always change--it's inevitable.

Moving on, for me, is not about stop loving, or missing, or remembering things that are nice or bad.
Moving on is knowing things changed and being fine with it.

And moving on has nothing to do with replacing things with other things. Or replacing people with other people.

Places in heart are special and they don't take second guests. There are no places in heart that are reserved for two (or three. Or four.). Once it's there then it's there forever. Fortunately, heart is a very vast place and it will always make room for new things and new people.


So move on.

Don't try to replace things because it's not going to work. And don't try to take up someone else's space in one's heart because they were never for you.

You got your own.

Credits to: http://ranikuncipohon.blogspot.com/2013/12/moving-on.html

Fight, Flight, or Forget?

I learned something new about myself today, whenever I'm in an emotionally overwhelming situation I have the tendency to shut down. It's as if all of my sensory abilities go numb and anything vaguely resembling emotions fail to register on my mind. This is what happened to me yesterday, when I got the news, a million different feelings came bubbling up to the surface at once: anger, sadness, surprise, pain, everything. But then, in the span of what felt like only 5 seconds, it stopped. It didn't dissipate, or diminish, or decrease in any gradual way, it just stopped. If I was a soda bottle being shaken up, I'd say it was like I not only held the cap closed to prevent the bottle exploding, but I somehow made the all the pressure inside it disappear, because what I felt after that and still feel now is just a serene calmness. I'm not sure where I learned to develop this kind of self-preservation mechanism, but frankly I don't really care, I'm just grateful that I did.

It still surprises me though how easily I'm getting through all this. I'm not even flinching when I see his face or name any more, but I know that I'm just skirting the feelings. I can still feel it. It's like walking on a fragile icy pond that you know you can plunge into at any given moment where the ice is thinnest. To put it in the same analogy, I've been skating carefully, tentatively. It's made me slow yes, and somewhat absent-minded at times, but the important thing is I haven't fallen through, and I intend to keep it that way.

3..2..1..

23/11/2013

Haven't talked to you since Thursday now. Kinda regret not being at home to chat with you that night, HI Corner wasn't really that worth it. I wanna send you another message, ask how you're doing, but I keep being torn whether it'd be the right thing to do or not. Maybe this is God's way of pushing us apart. Maybe we weren't meant to be. It hurts, this uncertainty. And what's killing me the most is that I don't know why you haven't replied to my previous messages. I promised I wouldn't disappear on you. I hope you won't do it to me. I've always had the tendency to take love for granted, perhaps because people have always so willingly given it to me. I know now how much it hurts to not have that love returned in full at a time when I want it to be. Thank you for teaching me this, I needed this lesson.

24/11/2013

On the bus to Jakarta now, the AEON 2013 welcoming party is tonight, I'm going with Ucup and Male. Kinda reluctant to go on Primajasa now ever since that last time we said goodbye. That was definitely one of the worst bus rides I'd ever had. I didn't even cry that much when my grandfather died.
It's been two months now and I think both of us have gotten over what people call the 'honeymoon' stage. We're finally starting to question ourselves whether or not we are each other's destined path.
It's funny you know, your circumstances are exactly like mine when I was in high school. 3 people. 1 friend, 1 significant other, and 1 who loved unconditionally albeit as confused as you are. Normally, I think I should be mad. Mad because it seems like you're placing me as a last resort, someone you can fall back on cause everyone else has rejected. And yet, surprisingly I'm not mad at all. I'm not sure if my lack of emotion proves my calmness and maturity in dealing with this or if this is simply a numbing reflex I've adapted to cope with the pain I know I'm supposed to feel.
Writing is helping though, so thank you for inspiring me with the idea. Seems like love really is a drug, and addiction is just inevitable. That's why it hurst so much whenever I lose contact with you for so long, it's like I'm detoxing my heart.

Found one of Lang Leav's poems that describes precisely how I feel. Perhaps we both were each other's angels sent to teach something or help at a perilous time: you through your conversion to Islam and me through my grandpa's death. Perhaps this is why it's so easy for me to let you go, because I know you've fulfilled your purpose as I have mine. And though it saddens me that we will be strangers once more, you always will be among the sweetest of memories in my heart.

25/11/2013
The End.
It's official. For now at least :)
Yesterday's AEON reunion taught me something very valuable: goodbyes aren't always forever.
See how beautifully and perfectly God plans everything? He never lets you go until you're really really ready. I wasn't ready before. But after last night, I became ready, and now I'm not afraid. I'm not sad or depressed or anything I should be feeling considering my current situation. I am letting go wholeheartedly this time, no more going back, and I am jotting down now all the lessons I've learned from you:
I've learned the power of prayer.
I've learned to trust in God's love.
I've learned to never make promises I can't keep.
I've learned to be grateful of the love I receive.
And I've learned about the kind of love that I deserve: one that never seeks to change me but will always be proud of the real me, even in all my silences. But most importantly, one that will be able to guide me to His Heaven. Now that I know there are people like you, I will never settle for anything less.
My prayers for you will still be the same: I pray for God to reunite us if that is His will, but if not then I pray for Him to guide and protect you in His neverending grace, and to give you someone who can continue to guide you in Islam.

AYVP! :')

A home doesn't always have to be in the literal sense of a roof over your head, that's more the definition of a house. A home is where you feel utterly comfortable in with people whom you love and love you back. I can always return to Setiu or Melaka or even UKM, but it'd never be the same as it was when we were all there. I cherish those moments very dearly now.

What it doesn't mention is that "deep emotional" in this case often means missing those people you're separated from in the most heartwrenching of ways. My family. My grandfather. My grandmother. The friends I've made in so many different occasions. You. I think I'm currently experiencing more mizpahs than should be shouldered by one person, but I guess this is my challenge in life :)

:)

Every time you feel lonely or disconnected, remember this; you are far from being singular and isolated. You are a part of a greater Whole....so infinite and all-encompassing there are no human words to explain it. Every breath, every heartbeat is intimately known and loved beyond measure. ~ Creator

There are days like today when I really really miss you. And yet I know I can't let myself be tempted to contact you, because it'll just make things harder and more confusing for us again. Last night, I braved myself to read our last conversation in FB. I thought I was going to be emotionally drained after reading it, but surprisingly it calmed me and gave me the strength to hold true to the decision we made. I'm holding on to that last promise I made to you, that I wouldn't be sad or depressed just because we won't be having any more special sundays or late night chats. It's hard, and as you can see (if you could read this), there are days when it's especially hard to keep true to that promise. But writing like this is helping me a bit. It seems all I really needed was a place to vent out my thoughts and feelings. You were that place for me for almost a month and I became addicted to the solace that I found in sharing those thoughts and feelings with you. Addicted to the happiness and gratitude that I felt in knowing that someone was always ready to listen and care enough to comfort me and make me laugh again when I was feeling down. The thing that still saddens me until now is that when I said goodbye to you, I realized that I didn't just lose a person whom I dearly loved and loved me back, but I also lost one of the best friends I've ever had (even if for only a short period of time).

If you are magically reading this somehow, don't worry, I'm okay. I promised you that and I'll keep true to my promise. That first promise to you I can't keep though, because I still feel that there's a chance for us, and if God wills it then there's really no one else I'd rather wait for for all my life. I love you martian man, I miss saying this to you, but hopefully there'll be a time again when I can say it directly to you and not just write it down in paltry little words like this.

As you said to me before, "kung ikaw ang nakatakda para sa akin, siguradong tayo'y magkikitang muli, mahal kita, mahal na mahal." :)

Another Crazy Experience

I will remember your sweet semi-smile, your turtle-face, your sharp intake of breath before you speak.
I will remember the way you ask permission to have your cheesy moments, and all the lame jokes and pick-up lines you come up with from God knows where.
I will remember the way you poke my cheeks and my sides at random intervals and how you always remind me not to cry whenever I get the least bit emotional.
I will remember your smooth stubby hands and the desperation yet strength you had when you grasped mine.
I will remember the way that you're just an overall hopeless romantic who listens to slow instrumental songs from a world music album.
And I most definitely will remember all of the crazy, spontaneous moments we had: stargazing on the beach, painting each other's faces, searching for halal food in a Chinese night market, climbing a 4-storey rooftop, going on a bike ride along the Melaka River at nighttime, eating porridge with chocolate chip cookies on another rooftop, trekking through a forest with no established trail, jogging a different route every day, finding absurd synonyms for mainstream words and phrases, laughing at the pick-up lines you slip into your PDF code for our group report, proposing to me under a semi-lit tree with a self-drawn marker ring, proclaiming your shahadah through Skype with me.

My words here are nowhere near sufficient to capture the spirit of the moments we've shared and my gratitude to God is beyond words for letting us share those moments together :)

Goodbye, for now :)

"Sometimes, Allah takes us away from things, from people, from familiarity to unknown paths, to the completely unfamiliar so that we can once again trace back our paths to Him."

I know now what I did wrong last time. This time, I did not do it again. This time, I know what lesson I should've learned. And God help me, I will never forget it.

Thank You for easing me in a decision that I should've taken a long time ago. Thank You for taking me back under Your guidance. I pray that I will never, ever, forsake it ever again. And thank You, for teaching it to me gently, and through, literally, one of the best teachers I could have ever hoped for.

He is Yours to guide now, as I am Yours to guide too. I have no fear of being alone, for as long as I have my belief in You, there is no such thing as loneliness. Thank You for making me go through that challenge, for I know now that You have great things set out for me. I can only hope that I am strong enough in my faith to meet Your expectations.

"Ya Allah, we, your servants, are weak. We fall into ruts, we move backwards, we keep tripping instead of running, but help us keep pushing, accept our tiny actions, our little smiles, our miniscule deeds, even if they weren't performed with complete heart. Ya Allah, we are trying, and you know the sincerity of your slaves. Please help us keep pushing."

Selamat Hari Tergila-Gila martian man :) 

May we have endless crazy days to come.

I Can Get Used to This - David Choi

No need for words really, this song just says it all :')

An Ode to My Greatest Inspiration :)

What we have done for ourselves alone dies with us; what we have done for others and the world remains and is immortal. - Albert Pike

One of the greatest figures in my life passed away today, though high in rank, he was always known first and foremost for his humility and simpleness in life. And it showed, for he died in the most beautiful way and while smiling the most radiant of smiles. Translator and ambassador, but above all my humble, funny, loving grandfather. I can only hope to follow in your footsteps. May Allah SWT grant the best of places for you in His Heaven. 

Innalillahi wa inna ilaihi raji'un wa inna ila rabbina lamunqalibun.

http://news.liputan6.com/read/153780/widodo-sutiyo-pendamping-setia-pak-harto

“Love is a temporary madness, it erupts like volcanoes and then subsides. And when it subsides, you have to make a decision. You have to work out whether your roots have so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part. Because this is what love is. Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the promulgation of promises of eternal passion. No, don't blush, I am telling you some truths. That is just being "in love", which any fool can do. Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away, and this is both an art and a fortunate accident.” -  Louis de Bernières, Captain Corelli's Mandolin

I don't believe in love at first sight.

There was never that "OMG you're my soulmate" moment that I felt between us.

But what I do believe in is that love is something that develops, slowly, over time. 

True love is getting to know more and more about that person, right down to their worst qualities, yet still wanting to be with them and actually loving them even more. Being more and more comfortable sharing everything with them because you know they'll listen and understand. Wanting even to let them know about your worst qualities, the things that tick you off, the dreams that you have in this life. And then hearing these magical words in response: "I understand", "We'll work it out", "I'm proud of you". 

This, apart from the love of a parent for their child, is the strongest kind of love there is, because it does not start strong and then diminish, like the burst of a firework, which although is beautiful, lasts only a fraction of a second. True love grows, like a tree. It may start off as a small fragile thing, but through the years it grows, from each watering of affection and care that it feeds off of. At times, it may be challenged by storms and winds of the strongest kind, but because its roots are deep and its trunk flexible, it will not be uprooted. 

Many people search their entire lifetimes to experience love like this. Having found mine, I don't intend to let it go. No matter the obstacles that we'll face. And we will face many. I intend to weather through each and every one of them. For you are worth all of the thunderstorms in the world :)

Will you ever run out of epic quotes? I hope not :)

From all of the posts I've added recently I should just make a tumblr shouldn't I? But hey, I can't help it, I really am falling head over heels for you here. You are that one person unlike any other who understands me in whatever I say, who listens and never judges, but always tries to give advice and support.
God, I've never been this scared of losing someone.

Excerpts from Mars

This is so you, sweet yet spontaneously hilarious when you least expect it. Yes, I too wish to grow old with you, my crazy martian man :)

The hours that we spend talking never seem to be enough. I really hope I can spend my entire lifetime with you :)

"Can't we just go back to the simplicity?"

Do you know what I'll miss the most from all of this? The stars. 

Can I make this promise now? I'm going to find a job in a place that'll let me see as much of the stars as we saw last night. For in those 2 hours that we lay there, beneath an infinity tent of heavenly lights, I experienced joy as I've never felt before. The cool rough sand I kept rubbing between my toes and fingers. Your low, calm voice as warm as the embers of the bonfire we had been sitting around a while back. The questions I wanted to ask but held back for some reason: What do you think about Islam? Have you ever thought about moving from your beloved city? Why do you think I'm special?

Stars.
Aliens.
Purple paint.
Rock turtles.
This emote --> @_@.
A weathered vintage notebook filled with scrappy notes.
Penarik Inn, Setiu, Terengganu.
02.00-04.00 AM.
12th of September 2013.

These are the things I have imprinted with memories of you. 

Is it too naive for me to hold onto the hope that I'll be able to do this again with you on a hillside in your beloved Baguio City? I hope not. 

Mahal kita, filipinoku. 

My Upcoming Adventure ^^

The Beauty of Humanity

I've been scrolling through Humans of New York this entire morning, and there's only one thing I can really say: Humans are amazing.

Just as God said, He really did create humans in the best of moulds.  There are so many great and wonderful things that we are capable of. All of the love, wisdom, exuberance, honesty, it's overwhelming sometimes. And yet, most of the time all of these amazing abilities are overlooked and forgotten every time something horrible comes up on the news. Suddenly, it seems that humans are nothing more than animals, just with smarter and scarier minds.

Brandon's TEDx talk really blew me away and opened my eyes. Especially since what he was talking about was exactly what the people in my own country and my home town of Jakarta were facing each day. As I'm writing this, my ears are being surged with a cacophony of terrifying news stories. According to them, all Jakartans have evidently seemed to lose all sense of their human-ness as they have allowed a violent murder of a young woman take place without anyone coming to her rescue. I'm not saying this isn't horrible, but as Brandon said, sometimes we're so overwhelmed by all of the horrible things that we hear in our daily lives that we come to believe that we really are that horrible, even when in reality not all of us are that horrible. Most of us are just nice, normal beings. Human beings.

As I scrolled down his entire HONY Facebook page and tumblr for a surprising 5 hours since I woke up, I really was inspired. This guy embodies everything that I love; curiosity, beautiful photography, a daringness to just get to know random people with the belief they're more magical than they let on, and a selfless impulse to give back whenever he can. I can't say I want to be exactly like him (it seems someone's already beat me to creating a Humans of Jakarta page anyways) but I really hope I can embody all of those things that I admire in him.

For all lovers of great street photography, honestly simple stories, and randomly stunning fashions, sneak a peek at his page, but a word of warning: it's surprisingly addictive ;)

http://www.humansofnewyork.com/

Alhamdulillah..

Sometimes the biggest happiness comes from the smallest things...

In the middle of the night 

At the dawn of a new day

At the strike of midday

At the close of the evening 

And even two days later

I can't thank you enough for filling my entire day and beyond with more joy than I could've ever imagined.  From the ones I've known since birth, to the ones I've just met a few months ago. God knows what I did to deserve all of your love. I only hope I can repay it accordingly somehow :')

This really made my day ^^

Speechless. Unbelieving. But in the end, just downright overjoyed when I realized that we really did win. It took a lot from us, especially our commitment to continue til the end in the face of an endless barrage of college assignments and other organizational duties, but with results like this, I dare say it was well worth it. Not to mention all of the truly amazing people I got to meet during those short 3 days together. As well as the team bonding i did with my own amazing group of environmentally-concerned international relationists. It really was a great joy and honor working with all of you. And it will be a greater joy and honor to be able to continue working together with the funding we're gonna get for Pfuze :')

Watch out Nangoreans, our line of chic, eco-friendly bags will be available pretty soon, insyaAllah ;)

"Yang disebut ide baru adalah gabungan beberapa ide lama yang diolah dengan sentuhan personal" - Arbain Rambey

My Plan

“Betapa banyak nikmat yang aku lupakan dan aku anggap wajar dan biasa. Seakan-akan aku berhak mendapat nikmat itu tanpa usaha. Karena itu betapa sesatnya aku kalau sampai bermalas-malasan.” 
― Ahmad Fuadi

In the past three months, I've had the privilege of going to 3 different countries. Each experience reinvigorating my love for travelling. Each experience feeling more and more like a dream that even I hadn't been able to compose in my wildest imaginations. Each experience a lesson as to how much there still is for me to learn from other people around the world. Each experience a reminder of just how lucky I am to be so blessed, and how great of a debt I have to make sure that those blessings aren't just experienced in vain.

At times, those experiences were tinged with dashes of fear and apprehension, pretty understandable considering the latest one involved my first 30 hour flight all the way across the world by myself. But in each of my journeys across the boundaries of my beloved Indonesia, I discovered more about my capabilities and about my religion than what I probably would've acquired had I stayed here. In Singapore, I saw how Muslims can live and thrive in a Muslim minority country, without fear or strange looks from the overall population, instead with the tolerance and understanding for Muslim values the likes of which I haven't seen in any other Muslim minority country. In Japan, I met a girl two years my senior, whose life was saved by her discovery of Islam, and who even though she still continues to experience challenges unlike anything I've ever had to endure even while living in Muslim minority countries (among them being the fact that her commitment to become Muslim and wear a veil is still frowned upon by her family and her fellow Japanese citizens who don't consider her to even be Japanese anymore, the difficulty she has in going to a mosque daily since the closest one is in a different town from her campus, the commitment she has in eating only seafood for fear of eating meat products that aren't halal, and the fact that at times she's had to perform sholat in the middle of the street just for lack of finding any other place to pray), her belief in Islam and Allah is still stronger than most Muslims I've ever met here in Indonesia; parting with her was like parting from a real sister, I don't think I've met or ever will meet anyone as amazing as she is. And in Venezuela, I realized just how weak the foundations of my own belief were when I was asked questions regarding why I did the things that Islam instructed me to do (Why did I wear a veil? Why can't I eat pork?). My lack of answers to these outbursts of Venezuelan curiosity were a slap in my face, reminding me just how much I still have to learn about my own religion, before being able to teach others about it as well.

This is why I've always loved this life on the road. While some people would rather be safely settled in one place for the rest of their lives, get married and raise their children in the places where they themselves were raised up, I would rather live my life and have my children experience theirs in a never ending adventure where the journey becomes our destination. I know it's pretty utopic, and the chances of me being able to give them that life, as my father gave to me and my sisters isn't something that can be as easily repeated as I hope for. But, there's always that hope. I want my children to know just how similar yet different people can be several thousand miles away from where they live. I want them to learn second, third, or even fourth languages, so that they may understand the books that give a more intimate look inside cultures different from theirs. I want them to understand that their religion, Islam, is meant to be a world religion and even though it still might be a long way from becoming so again, it is part of their duty to make it happen.

I've made friends with Christians, Hindus, Buddhists, heck when I was in New York most of my friends and next-door neighbors were Jews; it was only when I returned to Indonesia that I learned how 'evil' they were 'supposed' to be. I'm not saying I'm a pluralist, but what I do know is that I am a pacifist. Peace is easier to maintain, economically speaking that is, than conflict, so why make yourself at a loss? Didn't the Prophet (PBUH) live in tolerance with Christians and Jews when the Muslims ruled in Arabia?

I've just realized how close I'm coming to that fork in my journey. That vital impasse whereby I will have to choose once and for all where I'm going to take myself, and what I'm going to devote my life to. My religion and my duty to spread it and make it known of course is something that I'll never ever forget insyaAllah for as long as I still have the strength to tread the path I choose. But as for the other thing, which is my career choice, or even my choice to have a career, is something I still haven't figured out yet. What I am certain about though, is that I still want to continue my studies. My father's BBM a couple of days ago was really quite tempting: he told me that there was a scholarship offer for undergrads with a GPA above 3.5 to immediately be accepted at a masters degree at S2 HI UNPAD during their seventh semester. If all went well, then I'd have my undergraduate degree and then my masters in just one year after that. Tempting I know, especially with the fact that my GPA (for now at least) still suffices for that scholarship. But, what I really want is to take up an old dream of mine: study abroad on a scholarship or at least with my own money. The scarcity of scholarships to study abroad for undergraduates was one of the main reasons why I eventually resigned my self to accept my study opportunity at UNPAD. But masters scholarships are far more plenty and I am determined to snatch one for myself. ANU or UBC's social sciences program are still top on my list, and the IMLI in Malta is definitely something that I will try, for the sake of Indonesia's international maritime law which is in sore need of experts. If those don't work out then I guess I'll try for a masters in journalistic studies and try treading that path towards becoming a journalist.

I still want my travels to continue, at least until I get my masters degree. I still want to learn so much more about this world that Allah has created with meticulous care. About the people that are so different yet similar to me at the same time. About how I can become a force in either reconciling those differences or help care for the wellbeing of this world and its inhabitants. I don't want to live a normal life. I don't want to get married right after I graduate, have kids and stay stuck inside a house for years and years on end; even though I know this is a noble job as well. If I have to be a wife, at least I want to become like my mother, one that still has the opportunity to show her children just how vast this world is, how diverse its peoples are, how they can find a friend in those different from them, and how they can become Islamic agents of change on an international scale. I am an international relations student, and I hope to make my mark on international history, so that when I return back to my Creator, I can give proof that all of the blessed opportunities and skills bestowed upon me were not wasted or used in vain.

Chevere Caracas!

"Quien sabe que pensaran de lo que vieron, de esta ciudad salvaje, sucia, de colores brillantes y clima amable. De sus chicas pulcras hasta la frivolidad. De su pueblo, consumista y esnob, como pocos. De seguro se fueron un poco desencantados de que este pueblo anfitrion del foro, se sienta tan indiferente ante esas abstracciones ajenas a la fiesta, a ganarse el pan, a la furiosa epica de llegar a casa vivo, cada noche, en esta ciudad alucinante.." - Hector Torres, Caracas Muerde

Caracas. Statistically speaking, the most dangerous city in the world to live in. With at least 50 bodies per week piling up at the city's Bello Monte morgue, it's easy to see why. And yet, the only danger I encountered during my 1 month stay in this wild city was that of falling in love with it so much that I wouldn't be able to part with it when my time came to go. True, there is an undeclared 6 o'clock curfew for those still wishing to live another day intact in this unpredictable city of midday robberies and drunken nights. True, there are barrios that even Caraqueños are afraid of entering and furiously warn stubborn foreigners to not push their luck in trying to do so. True, the average Caraqueñan intake of alcohol on a daily basis provides a deadly mixture with the general ownership of guns scattered in this city. But it is also true that beneath its morbid exterior, there lies a character of people that make you forget just how dangerous this city is.

Violence is Caracas' biggest vice really. The bang of gunshots have become a regular, albeit quite morbid, addition to the background music here in Caracas. Along with the whistle of the biting wind blowing from dawn to dusk, and the chorus of reggaeton blasting out from the windows of neighboring apartments or houses, the occasional bang of gunshots provide that steady thump in the melody, like the slow yet sure pulse of a drumbeat. The pulse of Caracas. This phenomenon was somewhat shocking to me at first, since these bangs really did occur with worrying regularity. With the amount of bangs that I heard, there should've been at least 10 deaths per day - and these were just the ones I heard, mind you. But to my relief, it turns out that the bangs that occurred weren't always caused by the firing of some armed weapon on the streets, but also came from fireworks traditionally set off every time a new couple was bonded in holy matrimony. Yes, in Caracas, both life and death start with a bang.

But, unlike my own country, at least the violence here is not fueled by anger, rather by necessity. The crimes committed on a daily basis are mostly robberies, which have become a near-legitimate way of 'ganarse el pan' in this city that's continuously being molded into the model of socialistic utopia, but at the cost of adequate jobs for its people. A pretty bloody slice of bread indeed, but as long as it's still edible I guess for them it's good enough. So long as you're holding the trigger that is, instead of staring at the barrel.

Take away these violent tendencies caused by economic need, and you're left with regular people brimming with ambition, curiosity, hopes, desires, sefish whims, but most of all, friendliness. Expat confessions have always said that my country's citizens are the ones that most deserve this title, and yet, when compared to Caraqueños, or just latinos in general, I can't even begin to describe how much they are worthy of this title as well, perhaps more so than us Indonesians. Unless you're living on some isolated patch of the Avila mountains, there isn't a day here in Caracas that you won't say 'Buenos dias!' or 'Buenas tardes' or 'Hasta luego'. These simple two word greetings are practically ingrained into the minds of not only Caraqueños, but also Venezuelans in general. Even people who are complete strangers can expect to be greeted this way. And even me, with my veiled face obviously marking me out not only as a stranger but also a complete foreigner in this country, was greeted with the same amount of warmth and amiability that any other Caraqueño would receive, although keeping up with the conversations and curious questions about my veil that followed these greetings weren't always easy to reply to, solely due to my lack of Spanish of course.

It's quite the paradox really, considering that in a city where even hospitals get robbed for what little medications they have in stock, people should be as introverted as possible, protecting every vulnerable vestibule from potentially dangerous strangers. And yet, what most Caraqueños do is the complete opposite: they greet everyone they meet. I'm not sure if this is some kind of survival strategy that they've adopted, but in a city where danger can literally come at you from the next corner, I guess it's better to turn the next stranger you meet into a friend rather than a potentially dangerous foe. And this, I think is probably the reason why I love Caracas and Venezuela so much, for even its vices can be turned into virtues by its people that face danger with a smile.

Joyous.

Daring.

Colorful.

Caracas.

This was the little piece of Venezuela that I had the privilege to know and fall in love with. Can't wait to explore more of you next year :)