Fight, Flight, or Forget?

I learned something new about myself today, whenever I'm in an emotionally overwhelming situation I have the tendency to shut down. It's as if all of my sensory abilities go numb and anything vaguely resembling emotions fail to register on my mind. This is what happened to me yesterday, when I got the news, a million different feelings came bubbling up to the surface at once: anger, sadness, surprise, pain, everything. But then, in the span of what felt like only 5 seconds, it stopped. It didn't dissipate, or diminish, or decrease in any gradual way, it just stopped. If I was a soda bottle being shaken up, I'd say it was like I not only held the cap closed to prevent the bottle exploding, but I somehow made the all the pressure inside it disappear, because what I felt after that and still feel now is just a serene calmness. I'm not sure where I learned to develop this kind of self-preservation mechanism, but frankly I don't really care, I'm just grateful that I did.

It still surprises me though how easily I'm getting through all this. I'm not even flinching when I see his face or name any more, but I know that I'm just skirting the feelings. I can still feel it. It's like walking on a fragile icy pond that you know you can plunge into at any given moment where the ice is thinnest. To put it in the same analogy, I've been skating carefully, tentatively. It's made me slow yes, and somewhat absent-minded at times, but the important thing is I haven't fallen through, and I intend to keep it that way.