Soliloquy no.2

"Ya Allah, if this is really what You have decided is best for me, then ease me in doing so."

This sentence has flown from my lips so many times now I've lost count. I've whispered it before taking the Ruthin School scholarship test, before the provincial selections for the Economics Olympiad, and during the 30 seconds of prayer time before each and every one of the Oct/Nov Cambridge exams last month. For most of these occasions, the only reason that I said these words were mostly because I was at a point where I felt I'd done all that I could do and I'd just be grateful for whatever outcome He had already planned for me. But every time, there was always a small tremor of hope that accompanied these words as I said them. A hope that I'd actually be successful in whatever it was I was doing at that moment (and on one quite notable occasion, my hopes were actually realized)

Pas seleksi OSK ekonomi, gue juga berdoa kayak gini. Tapi waktu itu, gue juga sempat nambahin "kalau bidang ini ternyata memang yang telah Engkau takdirkan untukku, maka izinkan aku untuk lolos dari seleksi kali ini." Dan ternyata.. ta-da! gue lolos. Berarti, mungkin meskipun selama ini gue selalu ngerasa udah salah milih jurusan dan seharusnya jadi anak IPA aja, sepertinya Tuhan memang udah nentuin kalo gue ini emang lebih baik jadi anak IPS (meskipun gue ngak lolos seleksi OSPnya). And to be fair, I don't really regret being a student of Humanities that much (not that I could really change disciplines in the middle of the school year). But I have met a lot of inspiring people in this discipline. People who love the exhilarating and malleable world of the social sciences so much they've sought ways above and beyond what is required of them as students to completely immerse themselves in these worlds before they're even required to do so. And that's kind of what has given me the determination to realize my own dreams with as much passion and fervor as I have now.

So, I don't know.. Before, I'd been really hoping for a second chance to get into the wonderful world of science once I get to college, but it turns out my parents have other expectations for me. And I have to admit, I have been asking God for Him to show me the best path for me to take. So, this just might be His way of answering..

So now it's down to either International Relations or Management for me. Which path I'll take out of these two I still don't know. What I do know is that I've got a dream that I still want to fulfill, and having to start it in a different way to what I'd previously planned doesn't mean that I have to give up on it completely. Not while I can still try. Bismillah..

"I can't change the direction of the wind, but I can adjust my sails to always reach my destination." -Jimmy Dean